Wednesday 29 November 2017 by Lucas Wilde

HGV full of liquid diabetes heralds start of Christmas


Coca cola lorry signals Christmas

A massive, articulated lorry being used to advertise a corporation has been spotted, which means it’s time to start celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ.

Coca-cola sent their fleet of HGVs out into the world, letting the whole world know that Coca-Cola is for sale, which has been traditionally misinterpreted as being a sign of Christmas.

“Which also means it’s Christmas!” beamed citizen, Simon Williams.

“The calendar, although a traditionally reliable tool for determining the time of year, is absolutely no good to me in determining when to put the tree up.

“Until I see a fleet of soft-drink-filled red lorries set to the backing tune of ‘Holidays Are Coming’ then I’m bound to give an arbitrary bollocking to anybody with a Christmas ringtone.

“But now I’ve seen them, so it’s time to get the decorations up, all while throwing down bottle after bottle of liquid sugar.

“I shall then sit in my festive surroundings, my heart pounding away at a rate you’d usually expect after a 100m sprint. I shan’t sleep for days. Marvellous.”

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