Tuesday 28 November 2017 by Arabin Patson

Psychiatric wards overwhelmed as Daily Mail readers try to like brown-skinned immigrant


Meghan Markle Daily Mail

Many Daily Mail readers have suffered severe mental breakdowns when faced with the idea of sycophantically fawning over someone they would normally be subjecting to thinly veiled racist abuse in the MailOnline comments section.

Dr Tinnock, head of Psychiatry at Tunbridge Wells Royal Infirmary said that his service was expecting more catatonic curtain-twitchers in the build-up to the wedding.

“It’s too much for them. On the one hand, Harry is their favourite royal after Philip because of that German uniform photo and because he’s machine-gunned Muslims from a helicopter.

“On the other hand, she’s not only a confident black woman but she campaigns for gender equality. They don’t have the mental flexibility to assess them as a couple.”

Simon Williams, a retired taxi-driver and avid Daily Mail reader, confirmed the difficulties his peers had with the engagement of the prince and the actress.

“It’s like eating a delicious meal then finding out it’s halal. And even when I pretend Meghan is just very tanned because of too much skiing, I’m still confused.

“She’ll be part of the aristocracy so a part of me will see her as innately superior and want to praise her lavishly for simply showing up and shaking hands with people.

“But she’s also a pretty female celebrity whose paparazzi pictures I would normally be staring at and calling a filthy whore during my angry wanking sessions when the wife’s off to the garden centre.

“And now Katie Hopkins has gone too. Life is just one big pointless joke, isn’t it?”

I think therefore I am (not a Daily Mail reader)

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