Monday 27 November 2017

We’re only interested if we get a day off, confirms entire nation


Royal Wedding

Royal weddings only become interesting if we get a day off from work, confirmed everyone this morning.

As Prince Harry formally announced his engagement to Meghan Markle throughout the British media, citizens everywhere have reacted with a shrug of their shoulders before asking if we should be expecting a free day off.

Citizen Simon Williams told us, “Look, I get it, it’s the royal family and there are a lot of people that love them. But the single fleeting moment of happiness they’ve ever brought me was when I didn’t have to go to my shitty job the day William married Kate.

“If I’m not getting a day off this time around, then I really don’t see the point of getting excited. It’s not like they are friends of mine, and I certainly won’t be getting an invite to the evening do.”

Royal correspondents across the media are today also celebrating a brief period of relevance, as they talk up the importance of the wedding next spring.

Walter Matheson-Smythe, Royal Correspondent for The Times said, “Look at me look at me look at me look at me,

“It’s a royal wedding so everyone should now look at me.

“It’s going to be such a wonderful time for everyone as we enjoy the pomp and ceremony of such a momentous occasion for our proud nation, but most of all, look at me.”

However, Mr Williams concluded, “If they had any decency they’d sod off to Vegas and get married dressed as Elvis. After all, we already know Harry knows his way around the Vegas strip.”

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