Monday 27 November 2017 by Lucas Wilde

All the public wants for Christmas is Michael Gove’s front teeth, via force


Michael Gove

Michael Gove has expressed a wish to hang onto his teeth for Christmas, in direct contradiction to the wishes of the public.

The haunted ventriloquist dummy made the declaration during a typically smarmy answer to a journalist who asked what the prick would like this festive season.

“It’s backfired,” confirmed spokesperson, Simon Williams.

“Mr Gove was trying to imply he was a simple man with simple desires – which is obviously horse shit; he’d quite like a new Lexus and an Omega watch.

“But all he’s done is inspired the public to take his front teeth from him by the traditional method of belting him right in the mouth.

“It’s a stark reminder not only of the public’s hatred for Michael, but also of the British ability to be incredibly violent all year round. God bless us, everyone.”

Citizen, Jay Cooper, said, “I can’t even remember what Gove has done to upset me.

“All I know is every time I see his face on the telly, I start shadowboxing.

“He’s said he wants his two front teeth for Christmas. I also want his front teeth for Christmas, proudly displayed on the mantelpiece.”

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