Tuesday 21 November 2017 by Neil Tollfree

Son refuses to believe Dad’s assertion that there was a time when Morrissey wasn’t a twat


Morrissey is a twat

A teenage boy has poured scorn on his father’s assertion that there was a time that popular singer Morrissey wasn’t a massive twat.

Simon Williams, a nose hair topiarist from Chelmsford, mentioned that Morrissey was a hero and a poet when he was growing up.

“Yeah, that’s just bollocks though, isn’t it,” said a sceptical Simon Williams Jnr.

“I mean, Morrissey? The right-wing Brexit bloke who doesn’t like Pakistanis and thinks that Kevin Spacey is a brilliant man?

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“There is no way that he was never not a twat. It’s just a scientific impossibility.”

Simon Jnr believed that his father was attempting to play a trick on him.

“Yeah, Dad’s such a nob, he’s always telling me stuff like that to wind me up. Like, there was a time he played for West Bromwich Albion or that Prince Phillip had a successful chart career.

“Or that there was a time when young people had a fair chance of a decent career and prospect of buying a house.

“He’s just mental.”

Simon Jnr’s father, Simon, repeated the assertion

“No, Morrissey was great. Meat is murder, Panic, The Queen is Dead. He was. Definitely.”

A flicker passes across his face.

“At least, I think he was. But it does seem that with everything he says and does nowadays, it’s likely that, in reality, he was always a massive twat and just used to be better at hiding it.”

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