Monday 20 November 2017 by Pete Redfern

Elderly couple reveal the secrets of a happy seventy-year marriage


Queen and Prince Philip married for seventy years

As Elizabeth and Philip today celebrate seven decades of marriage, relationship experts have drawn a number of observations and wise tips from their example to ensure any young couple a long and happy marriage.

The tips include:

  1. Make sure you are one of the richest couples in the world. Money can’t buy you happiness, but it really, really does help.
  2. Try to ensure that you inherit an extensive property portfolio. Having a choice of places to live in helps revive a monotonous marriage.
  3. Make full use of any servants. Seriously, make them do everything. If you don’t have to argue over who has to put the bins out this week, your marriage stands a much better chance of going the distance.
  4. Ensure you travel the world regularly, and make someone else pay for it. Travel will spice up a marriage, as will meeting foreign leaders. Try not to be racist to the dark skinned ones, though.
  5. Make time for your individual hobbies. For her, it could be horse riding. For him, maybe some light plotting to murder relatives you don’t like. You know, whatever works for you.
  6. Breed some photogenic great-grandchildren. Their cherubic faces will keep you going through the tough times.
  7. Smoke weed. Seriously. It was nearly called Bud-Ingham Palace.
  8. Remember that in the not too distant future, the Sun at the heart of our Solar System will suddenly expand and engulf the Earth, boiling the oceans and bringing instant death to all that remain. So you might as well try and make that marriage work while you can.

Elizabeth and Philip are celebrating their marriage by releasing some stamps.

Lucky us.

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