Wednesday 15 November 2017 by Lucas Wilde

Man who made woman in Christmas jumper cry pretty pleased with himself


Man angry at Christmas jumper

A man has berated a woman for enjoying something at a point at which he deems she shouldn’t.

Simon Williams, 33, actually gets angry at the idea of people thinking about Christmas too soon; a concept which does no actual harm to anybody at all.

“It’s too early!” bellowed/beamed Simon, his boner still going strong after a sustained bout of early-Christmas rage.

“I am the self-righteous guardian of time-sensitive joy and if I see you getting some enjoyment out of life by thinking of Christmas in November then I will make it my business to spoil it for you.

“Susan absolutely deserved to have a new one torn into her for wearing a Rudolph jumper into the office.

“I’m sure she’s learnt not to cross me again,” confirmed Williams, folding his arms and sitting back in his chair like he’d actually done something of merit.

“He’s a joyless cunt,” confirmed Susan Remmington, wearer of the “offending” jumper.

“I really like Christmas because it’s just nice, that’s all. I was kind of hoping I could just enjoy the idea of something, but I forget this is 2017 where apparently that makes you some kind of bastard.

“I hope he drink-drives home from the office Christmas party and plunges into a lake.”

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