Wednesday 15 November 2017

Atheists admit they could be lured into religion if nativity had more sausage rolls


Greggs sausage rolls

Any religion that promotes delicious pastry meat products is worth a second look, according to atheist groups this afternoon.

After Greggs put a large sausage roll at the heart of the nativity as part of a highly-criticised Christmas marketing campaign, non-religious people have claimed they’d be happy to look again at any religion where tasty snacks remain the centre-piece.

Atheist Simon Williams told us, “My personal belief when it comes to religion is that anything that can be asserted without evidence can also be dismissed without evidence – which is why I don’t believe in any deity and consider all the sky fairies to be equally ridiculous.

“But I do believe in sausage rolls, I have seen them, touched them, and eaten them – and I have gathered copious amounts of evidence that prove their value to humankind.

“If more religions went about worshipping foods, I’m sure they wouldn’t be declining so rapidly.

“Personally, I’d go out of my way to attend a weekly meeting where all we did was worship kebabs.”

Greggs have apologised to any religious fanatics offended by the use of a sausage roll in their Christmas advert, but have welcomed news of a growing number of potential atheist customers.

A spokesperson said, “We genuinely thought putting a sausage roll at the heart of the nativity would delight the god-botherers. Who knew they’d be such snowflakes?

“But we’re not precious, if it hooks us a few more atheists into our stores, then we’re delighted.

“I reckon if we can get a few steak bakes down their necks we’ll have customers for life.”

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