Tuesday 14 November 2017 by Pete Redfern

Scientific authority of astrology under fire as literally nothing good happens after two planets align


horoscopes bullshit

Horoscope peddlers are facing tough questions today after two planets aligned and absolutely nothing of note happened.

With Jupiter and Venus appearing in conjunction just before dawn yesterday morning, many believers in astrology had naturally assumed that all the best of their horoscope predictions, which strangely vary depending on which newspaper they read, would come true – only to be left bitterly disappointed.

Gullible simpleton Simon Williams awoke nice and early to see the phenomenon and to eagerly anticipate all the good things coming his way during such a special day.

He explained, “In one paper, my horoscope promised that I would meet a tall dark stranger on the day the stars aligned. And I’m pretty sure planets and stars are the same thing, so I was really looking forward to today.

“But all that has happened is that I went to work as usual and during my lunch break a tall dark homeless chap tried to sell me a Big Issue. Which I obviously bought to bring me good luck, but then I got instantly splashed by the number 19 bus.

“You know, I’m really starting to question if Astrology is as scientifically robust as it is widely thought to be.

“Unless of course my horoscope in a rival paper promised me an opportunity to be charitable to a stranger before being refreshed by unexpected water from an unknown source.

“Then I’d still believe it.”

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