Tuesday 14 November 2017

Daily Mail bursts blood vessel in eye as Queen gives knighthood to black Muslim immigrant


Mo Farah Knighthood

The Daily Mail has burst a blood vessel in its eye after seeing the Queen give a knighthood to Muslim immigrant, Mo Farah.

The newspaper began shaking and straining at the neck this morning as the New Years Honours recipient made his way to Buckingham palace, and was welcomed with open arms despite being one of those ‘brown’ Olympians.

Witnesses described an infrequent nasal snort to relieve the pressure before the paper’s left eye finally blew a blood vessel to leave it looking hideously bloodshot.

A spokesperson for the paper told us, “It’s not a pretty site. Getting ourselves worked up about Muslims is our thing, obviously, but most of the time we just make up the outrage to keep our readers furiously buying our paper. This time we’re definitely angry about it.

“It just doesn’t compute. We love the Queen, but we hate Muslims and immigrants, and here is the Queen rewarding a Muslim immigrant.

“She must be getting blackmailed by the Muslim Council of Britain or something. I’ll get a couple of stringers to write it up, regardless of whether they find any actual evidence or not, obviously.”

Brexit voter Simon Williams announced his is also beside himself with rage at the Queen’s plan to knight Muslim immigrant, Mo Farrah.

He told us, “The only possible explanation is that the Queen has been taken over by Muslamic mind-rays from the local mosque.

“It’s going to happen to us all eventually, unless Nigel Farage is also knighted, obviously.”

I think, therefore I am (not a Daily Mail reader)

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