Monday 13 November 2017 by Davywavy

Cheese will never let you down, studies show


Cheese brilliant

Cheese outperforms having a boyfriend or a girlfriend on all measures of life satisfaction, according to a study published today.

Cheese, which can be grilled, toasted, grated and sprinkled, or simply eaten whole as part of a sandwich or in combination with dedicated biscuits, consistently scored more highly than having some sort of ‘life partner’ who goes around criticising your choices and asking you to make sacrifices for them.

Furthermore, cheese is not known to complain if you fancy a slice of Edam or maybe a sneaky lump of cheap Cheddar at 1 am before heading home after a night out.

Experts concluded that people who develop a close relationship with cheese are happier and more content than those in relationships with another human.

“In every test, cheese scored more highly on measures of taste, scent and reliability than your average boyfriend, and spent less time worrying about its wrapper and fat content than your average girlfriend,” said Professor Simon Williams of the Institute of Advanced Cheesology at Kettering University.

“Furthermore, no piece of cheese ever spent an hour in the bathroom deciding which chutney went best with it.

“In conclusion, if you don’t think cheese more reliable than other people then you must be crackers.”

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