Friday 10 November 2017 by Lucas Wilde

Britain excited to suck some corporate cock this evening


Family watching John Lewis advert

The United Kingdom will feast upon the creative seed of John Lewis tonight.

The chain of department stores that’s basically an up-its-own-arse version of Debenhams will air its Christmas commercial during the ad-break of Gogglebox.

“I can’t wait. I bloody love a good advert,” beamed Simon Williams.

“My dad used to say he and his parents used to look forward to some tosh called Morecambe and Wise every Christmas.

“I’ve not bothered to even check that out because it sounds like it may have been some kind of innocent comedy show designed to do nothing more than make you smile every Christmas.

“Corporate advertisements thinly veiled by festive whimsy are much more my thing.”

A spokesperson for John Lewis said, “these aren’t advertisements so much as they are works of art intended to remind you of the meaning of Christmas.

“By which I actually mean they very much are advertisements, and we would like you to consume as many of our products as possible.

“Why don’t you start by pre-ordering one of our plush toys off this year’s advertising gimmick? It’s a little monster. Go on, just click ‘add to cart’…thaaaaaat’s it…. gooooood….”

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