Thursday 9 November 2017 by Davywavy

Yorkshire demands extreme vetting of southern immigrants


Yorkshire to introduce extreme vetting

Immigrants from the South are to undergo an ‘extreme vetting’ process to ensure they aren’t bringing softness into the county, Yorkshire has announced today.

Softness is a growing concern within the county, with reports indicating that children exposed to it are at risk of putting the heating on or wearing a vest.

Southerners are regarded by many as spreading softness, and voters are demanding government crackdown before the local culture is ‘swept away on a tide of Southern neshness’.

Migrants will be expected to pass a series of tests, including being able to convincingly say ‘lovely’ on Skegness beach in a force eight gale and sup eight pints of Tetley without spilling any.

“It’s a serious concern,” said Yorkshire spokesman Saz Williams.

“There’s a genuine risk that uncontrolled immigration from places like Guildford and Berkshire will bring dainty southern ways which undermine our traditions, and our children will grow up to be complete jessies.

“You can already see it; the other day in Doncaster there were a lad wearing a topcoat and it’s only November.

“Puff”, he added.

When asked why the process was being called ‘extreme vetting’, Saz added, “Well, not only do we run a background check and all that farrago, do you know how vets stick their arm up a cows arse right up to the shoulder?

“Aye, like that.”

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: