Friday 3 November 2017 by Arabin Patson

World inexplicably becomes a nicer place for 11 minutes as Donald Trump’s Twitter goes offline


world gets better during Twitter trump ban

New reports show that the planet enjoyed a bizarre and fleeting moment of harmony at exactly the same time an employee of Twitter took Donald Trump offline.

At the Korean DMZ, a soldier humming a traditional lullaby heard the chorus being picked up across the landmines. On both sides, watchtower after watchtower joined in until 16 miles of front resonated with a simple ditty about the safety of a mother’s arms.

Maximum security prisons in the US saw brutal gangs broker a truce and come up with a co-operative program of self-improvement based on a pledge of both teachings and learning something every day.

In South Kordofan, a regiment of Sudanese soldiers is reported to have thrown their rifles in the Nile and proclaimed that no man was put on earth to become his brother’s killer.

However, the account was eventually restored and the world instantly reverted to being a violent cesspit of hatred and selfishness.

In the UK, average people also experienced the odd phenomenon, as explained embittered Croydon misanthrope Simon Williams.

“I was walking along thinking about how Muslims should be deported when I saw this young Asian chap coming towards me.

“I tensed up as usual but for some reason, I started to think that maybe he was scared too. So I just stopped and smiled. He did the same. We just stood there smiling at each other. It was ridiculous but it was also the most profound experience of my life.

“But ten minutes later I was angry again, so I kicked a pigeon.”

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