Thursday 2 November 2017

Spurs fans on verge of becoming insufferable


Tottenham Hotspur

Tottenham Hotspurs fans basking in the glow of last night’s Champions League victory against Real Madrid are said to be on the verge of attaining levels of smugness not seen since the release of Ossies’ Dream in 1981.

A 3-1 win against the team recognised by many as the best in the world has elevated supporters to levels of football snobbery not seen in parts of North London since the day Paul Gasgoigne knackered his knee.

Football fan Simon Williams told us, “I work with two of them, and let me tell you this morning has been hellish. They’ve been polite, smiley and willing to chat to anyone. It’s absolutely sickening.

“It’s as if a football match has somehow made their lives better. Personally, I think they need a slap and reminding that their entire existence is still as utterly pointless as it was yesterday.

“One of them mentioned something about beating the best team in the world meaning that they are now the best team in the world, so I was left with no choice but to throw my coffee over him. He still kept smiling – the idiot.”

The win sees Tottenham through to the knock-out stages of the Champions League in the spring, ensuring the smugness will last at least three months.

Williams continued, “It’s bad enough that they’re forever taking the moral high-ground in which they seem to think we should value a goal at the end of 45 passes more highly than a goal a Tony Pulis side would score – fortunately football doesn’t work that way.

“I could just about put up with it whilst they weren’t winning anything, but it’s getting awfully close to the point where they might win some silverware now.”

Arsenal fan Mikey James told us, “Daniel Levi will probably have plans release a commemorative DVD for about £25.

“Let them enjoy this moment, it will make the end of the season all the sweeter when they inevitably end up having won f*ck all.”

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