Thursday 2 November 2017 by Lucas Wilde

Michael Fallon to be replaced by Pepe Le Pew


Pepe Le Pew to replace Michael Fallon

Pepe Le Pew has been named as Michael Fallon’s replacement as Defence Secretary.

The lecherous little skunk has resigned, making way for Pepe Le Pew.

“Mr Le Pew is an obvious choice for replacing Mr Fallon as Defence Secretary, at least in the context of this satire piece,” confirmed Tory spokesperson, Simon Williams.

“Le Pew has an unimpeachable reputation when it comes to dealing with totty – as far as our very limited research has gone, anyway.

“We look forward to hearing his strategies for dealing with the Middle East. I’m told he has some very interesting ideas that involve acme rockets, boxing gloves on springs and massive comedy hammers.

“And we remain satisfied that he won’t try it on with anything around here.”

Former Warner Brothers employee, Stacey McBride, said, “Yeah, they should probably watch a few more cartoons, although I understand that kind of thing probably wasn’t encouraged at Eton.

“Pepe once grabbed my tits while making some kind of stereotypically French grunting noise, and threatened to spray all over me, which isn’t the way to win me over.

“But it does sound like he’ll fit right in with the pervy-octopus culture at Westminster.”

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