Thursday 2 November 2017

Lecherous arsehole clearly has no idea how to ask a woman out on a date


Office Letch

It has become apparent that the office letch behaves the way he does because he doesn’t know how to actually ask a woman out on a date, according to sources today.

Simon Williams, 35, is well known in the office as someone you don’t want to be left with 1-on-1 in a confined space, but today it has been revealed it’s all down to his lack of social skills and emotional intelligence.

Sources close to Williams tell us that he genuinely believes shouting ‘Oi Oi!’ before slapping you on the arse and whispering ‘how about it, love?’ is the best way to secure a relationship with the opposite sex.

They also told us, “The poor bloke has never had any decent male role models in his life, and he thinks this type of behaviour is the correct way to earn affection and, ultimately, love.

“It’s tragic to think that it’s precisely this behaviour that will eventually see him living elderly and alone, slapping the arses of the nurses responsible for wiping his. We must help him.”

Colleague Sharon Smith told us, “No. He’s a twat. Invading my personal space in the office kitchen in order to ask what sort of naughty things I’m into sexually, is not the same as chatting over coffee and asking if I’d like to go to the cinema one night.

“These are the sort of boundaries only morons and simpletons struggle with.  I don’t care if no-one ever told him how to ask someone out, you would think that a constant stream of angry rejection would have taught him that this approach doesn’t work.”

Williams himself rejected the claims telling us, “They love it really.”

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