Thursday 2 November 2017 by Lucas Wilde

Apprentice contestants surprisingly shit at thing they’ve never done


Alan Sugar Apprentice contestants rubbish at the challenge

The nation has roared with laughter at the hapless buffoons on The Apprentice once again.

This week the teams were tasked with arranging and performing a circus show, with no hints or prior training and seemingly not allowed to Google anything.

“It’s not going that well,” confirmed contestant, Simon Williams.

“I’m a computer programmer from Watford, hoping to work with Alan Sugar on a new social media platform I’ve invented, so learning to walk a tight-rope is a little outside my sphere.

“The producers have made it very clear that we’re not allowed to hire outside performers, or ask one for advice, or even use Google, so I suspect that we are all going to look like an even bigger bunch of incompetent twats than we actually are, which seems unfair.

“I’ll just blame someone else for all of my mistakes and then shout quite loudly in the boardroom. That always seems to work.

“That’s assuming I don’t fall off this tightrope and die, which I’m sure the producers wouldn’t allow to happen.”

Producer, Jay Cooper, said, “Bollocks we wouldn’t, that would make for cracking telly.”

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