Wednesday 1 November 2017 by Neil Tollfree

Trial by media so much easier than trial by jury, confirm legal experts


Trial by media much more convenient

Legal experts have confirmed that it’s fine for prominent people accused of sexual harassment to be tried using the media because making actual legal cases would take ages.

“The problem is that actually putting together a case against someone is an awful lot of effort,” said Simon Williams, Professor of Law and Impatience at Oxford University.

“I mean, you’ve got to get a load of evidence together, take statements, find witnesses, have your wig cleaned. It’s basically a real old faff.

“Naturally, with that amount of stuff to do, actually getting a case to trial can take months or years and, frankly, most people just want to read the paper, be incredibly judgemental for twenty minutes and then go and have some cake.”

As such, the most efficient way to try famous people in 2017 is in the newspapers, on Nicky Campbell’s 5Live phone-in and in between Prue Leith Bake-Off memes on Facebook.

“It’s just easier for everyone involved. Big institutions can make sanctimonious statements, the public can feel a bit superior, and no one has to bother with the tedious business of actually going through a legal process.”

It is hoped that in the coming years it won’t be just celebrities who are tried by the media.

“Yes, we’re looking into the practicalities of having pictures in the newspaper of ordinary people accused of crimes and then doing a Facebook poll to determine guilt.

“So much easier that way.”

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