Wednesday 1 November 2017 by Neil Tollfree

BBC denies satanic Halloween rite took place on Breakfast news


BBC Breakfast satanic ritual

The BBC has denied that their popular Breakfast news programme was the scene of a diabolical, satanic Halloween rite yesterday morning.

At 6:15 am, weather presenter Carol Kirkwood had finished her report, and the camera cut back to the main studio to what appeared to be some form of devil worshipping rite.

Charlie Stayt was shirtless and had a symbol daubed on his chest, Louise Minchin was drinking a red liquid from a goblet and Steph who does the Business news appeared to be speaking in tongues. Although, that might have just been some stock market news.

They were all stood in a giant pentagram that had been painted on the floor.

The camera lingered on the scene for a few seconds before someone can be audibly heard off-screen saying ‘Christ, not this again.’ And the screen goes black before cutting to a pre-recorded piece about otters.

“We can confirm that no evil satanic rite took place on Breakfast news yesterday morning,” said a BBC representative.

“Charlie had got a little warm and taken his shirt off and daubed some liquid on his chest in an effort to cool down, Louise was enjoying a delicious and nutritious smoothie, and Steph who does the Business news was just being northern.

“The pentagram was… Well, it’s an old building, so it was probably just there when we moved in.”

Asked if it wasn’t possible that the incident couldn’t have just been a fun Halloween prank, the representative looked a little crestfallen and responded.

“Yes, that would certainly be more believable. Can I say that instead?”

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