Wednesday 1 November 2017 by Gary Stanton

Bake Off finalist’s cake ruined after Kevin Spacey found lying on top of it


Kevin Spacey Bake Off final

Hollywood actor, Kevin Spacey, is facing fresh allegations that he tried to fuck someone’s cake, according to reports.

Bake Off finalist, Simon Williams, had to settle for third place after finding his elaborate flour and egg-based construction crushed under the weight of the House of Cards star, with jam spilling out of the sides.

The Oscar-winning actor was called in as a last-minute judge after Mary Berry told Channel 4 producers they could go and fuck themselves.

Mr Spacey wasted no time in downing three bottles of cooking sherry, then began mumbling to Noel Fielding about feeling conflicted.

Cocksure baker Williams said, “I turned my back for thirty seconds to mix some icing sugar, but when I returned, the guy who wanked himself off in American Beauty was straddled over my Yin and Yang themed Victoria Sponge with his pants around his ankles.”

Lead Bake Off presenter, Paul Hollywood, said, “Simon did great in the showstopper and as for his caramel filling – well, he really nailed it this time.

“But there’s a huge problem with this cake – it’s got Kevin Spacey lying on top of it.”

Williams added, “I am just the latest person to have his dreams shattered owing to Kevin Spacey’s habit of lying on top of things.”

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