Monday 30 October 2017 by Gary Stanton

Cornwall declares independence from the UK


Cornwall independence

Cornwall has taken the bold step of leaving the UK this morning, with Devon and the Isle of Wight expected to follow.

The lush, fertile region, which is home to half a million people, sees no future in a fragmenting EU and voted last night to take its county back.

A full legislative programme will now be enacted across the fledgeling nation, in which incest is already legal, and even encouraged.

The leader of the new nation is none other than TV chef, Rick Stein, and his reasonably-priced Padstow restaurant will be the site of the country’s parliament.

Free from the shackles of the UK, Stein hopes to strike a new trade deal with the EU involving fish and pasties.

Although many view Cornwall’s decision as a foolhardy leap in the dark, it is expected to put an end to rich fuckers buying all the nice houses there.

Stein said, “This morning, I pledged to return the revenues from the sale of Doc Martin box sets to the Cornish nation.

“After that, I’ll be pan-frying a delicious sea bream in white wine and fennel.

“Cheers everyone!”

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