Thursday 26 October 2017 by Lucas Wilde

True patriot digs out poppy from kitchen drawer


Man wearing poppy

A man who constantly bangs on about how ruddy English he is (and proud of it) has resurrected his remembrance poppy for the ninth year in a row.

Simon Williams, 44, shares quite a few memes around this time of year about the importance of wearing a poppy and how anyone who doesn’t is probably a traitor who should be shot in the chin.

“But a quid is a lot of money,” said Williams, lovingly ironing his poppy.

“I’m a patriot, and I really care about veterans and spitfires and stuff, and it’s important that everyone sees that.

“Hopefully nobody will notice that it’s the same poppy every year. I’d hate for any of those lefty types to ask any awkward questions.

“I mean come on, a QUID? That’s a quarter of a pint, and pints are very important to lazy stereotypes like me.”

Simon’s wife said, “this isn’t behaviour that’s exclusive to poppies, to be fair.

“The last time he tipped a waiter was in 1997, and that’s only because I made him after he said something a bit personal about his arse.”

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