Wednesday 25 October 2017 by Neil Tollfree

Nigel Farage blames ‘Brussels bureaucrats’ for him failing to secure role of Doctor Who’s companion


Nigel Farage not the Doctor Who companion

Nigel Farage, the sometime leader of red-faced-shouty-man party UKIP, has laid the blame for his failure to secure a role as Doctor Who’s companion firmly at the door of ‘Brussels bureaucrats’ who, he claims, are ‘barmy.’

Mr Farage briefly quit as UKIP leader last spring with the intention of securing the role of Doctor Who after Peter Capaldi’s time as the Doctor ended, but was passed over in favour of Jodie Whitaker due to ‘political correctness out of control and ruining this country’.

“Quite frankly, it’s a disgrace,” shouted Mr Farage, as his face reddened.

“The people of this great country would like nothing more than to see me as a companion to the Doctor, offering sage advice and wisdom and warning him from the dreadful machinations of the malevolent eurostate.

“However, due to the EU bureaucrats, I have been passed over in favour of Bradley Walsh and some ethnics who, frankly, I’ve never heard of.

“Let me tell you, when the next Doctor is cast, we will have left the EU and we will be able to assemble a great British Doctor, played by me, with great British companions – Boris, Liam and David Davis.

“With Theresa making the tea.

“Together we will lead the Doctor on a series of adventures that use the imperial system of measurement and are completely unencumbered by interference from the barmy bureaucrats of Brussels.”

Mr Farage then slumped down on his barstool, wet himself, and was asked to leave the pub.

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