Monday 23 October 2017 by Neil Tollfree

Calls for toxic people to be charged £10 extra to enter London


Toxic people to be charged more to enter London

Following today’s announcement that more polluting, toxic cars are to be charged an extra £10 to enter London, there have been calls for more polluting, toxic human beings to be charged an extra £10 to enter London.

“We have seen over recent years an increase in the number of toxic individuals entering London at will,” said Simon Williams, a representative of the London Assembly.

“Katie Hopkins, Nigel Farage, Paul Dacre, people who like pineapple on their pizza.

“Now, obviously we can’t ban these people, although, like the entire planet, we are looking into doing that with Hopkins. But it doesn’t seem unreasonable that if they’re going to pollute the discourse within the capital with their harmful toxicity, then perhaps they should be charged a little more than people who make an effort to be pleasant.”

There is also talk of a sliding scale of charges for personal toxicity.

“Yes, that seems sensible. Jose Mourinho pays £20, Michael Gove pays £50, people who put mayonnaise on chips pay £75.

“It would be complex, but do-able, the problem is someone like Richard Littlejohn or Boris Johnson, I mean, to be frank, it isn’t possible to place a figure on their levels of toxicity. There simply aren’t enough zeros. So, there would have to be some sort of upper limit.”

While the calls for the new human toxicity charge initially proved popular from Number Ten, it is thought unlikely that Theresa May will approve the policy as she would find herself having to pay over £300 a day unless she moves the Prime Minister’s official residence out to Essex.

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