Friday 20 October 2017 by Jack Marshall

Americans enjoying unusually long gap between mass shootings


Happy Americans

Americans who don’t like being shot are currently enjoying an unusually long gap between mass shootings.

Although gun violence has claimed hundreds of lives since the tragic events in Las Vegas, the victims weren’t killed by the same person at the same time. As a result, their deaths weren’t newsworthy and, therefore, absolutely nothing to worry about.

“It’s a good feeling going to work knowing that I’ll probably make it home alive,” said Nev Burke, a retired Navy Seal who’s now a kindergarten teacher.

“The decrease in murderous rampages has also allowed me to dedicate my thoughts and prayers to more pressing issues like kneeling sportsmen and border walls,” added Mr Burke.

The lull in indiscriminate violence is, however, unlikely to kickstart a meaningful debate on gun control.

“After every mass shooting, America goes through five stages of grief. Unfortunately, every one of those stages is denial,” said Chuck Williams, our US correspondent.

“The only change in the law the President is likely to make is to redefine the meaning of ‘natural causes’ to include deaths caused by gunshots, corrupt cops and manageable health problems.”

Nevertheless, Mr Williams was keen to give the NRA some credit.

“Nothing explains this recent drop-off in mass killings. So, given that the NRA has consistently done nothing to reduce the number of mass killings, they deserve a lot of credit,” he concluded.

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