Wednesday 18 October 2017 by Lucas Wilde

Student to attend Halloween party dressed as her 2020 Student Loan statement


Student going to halloween as terrifying loan statement

A university student is going to a party dressed up as the thing she fears most.

Hayley Reece, 18, is studying Media and Social Studies at the University of Kettering.

“And it’s going to cost me £41,000,” confirmed a wide-eyed Hayley.

“I wouldn’t mind if I was going somewhere good like Oxford, Cambridge or even Lincoln at a push, but I think this place only opened about a fortnight ago. I’m only here because I had to go through clearing.

“Anyway, like most people who go to university, I’ve had a relatively sheltered life. So a large financial debt is the scariest thing I can imagine happening to me and, lo and behold, it’s happening.

“So I’m going to dress as my final statement at the end of my degree. I was going to go as a sexy cat, but I had an epiphany where I realised that has fuck-all to do with scary things.”

Hayley’s friend, Jay Cooper, said, “I’d rather Hayley didn’t go dressed as a student loan.

“I want to relax and enjoy the party and I can’t do that if I see nothing but burdensome responsibilities whenever I look at her. She shouldn’t be able to elicit that feeling without carrying my child.”

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