Tuesday 17 October 2017 by Davywavy

‘Regaine for feet’ launched for ageing Hobbits


Hairy Hobbit feet

Shire-based lotharios are delighted after a working hair restorer for Hobbit feet was released today.

Hairy toes are widely seen as an attractive sign of youth and virility by red-hot Hobbit lasses like Rosie Cotton, and ageing Halflings with more money than sense have long used spurious remedies to prevent the inevitable march of time.

“When I started to lose the hair on my toes I felt less of a Hobbit,” said Samwise Williams over a pipe of Old Toby.

“I tried to comb it over, but it just looked like butter scraped over too much bread.

“I literally felt three feet tall. Because I am three feet tall. But losing my toe-hair made me feel bad about myself as well.

“I tried all kinds of things to make my hair grow back – standing up to increase blood-flow to my toes, rubbing Balrog dung on them, even Homeopathy which I was told was special elven magic.

“What a load of bollocks that turned out to be.

“I just wish I knew Bilbo Baggins’ secret. He’s eleventy-one and still got all his own hair.”

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