Monday 16 October 2017 by Lucas Wilde

‘Red sun will kill us all’ confirms Daily Express


Red sun in the sky

A red sun hangs in the sky this afternoon, signalling the destruction of all mankind, according to the Daily Express.

The celestial ball of fire is showing off a reddish hue today, which most scientists put down to dust being kicked up by whichever storm is tearing up Ireland today.

“They’re lying to you and your death is right around the corner,” said Daily Express Science Correspondent, Simon Williams.

“We’ve checked the Elder Scrolls, and they clearly state that a red sun in the sky foreshadows an age of blood and dismay.

Get the NewsThump Daily Briefing

Get the day's NewsThump headlines delivered conveniently to your inbox every day at 5pm - for FREE!

“The fact this coincides with Brexit is just a coincidence, obviously. Stop talking down the country.

“Anyway, we’re all very sad to learn we’re going to die, but we’re delighted that we’ll finally be with Princess Diana very soon. I can’t wait to see how pleased she’s been with all of the post-mortem coverage we’ve given her.”

An actual scientist, Elizabeth King, said, “Yeah, no.

“As with all Daily Express stories, this should be taken with a pinch of salt. And when I say ‘a pinch of salt’ I mean ‘massive, guffawing laughter’.”

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: