Monday 16 October 2017 by Howell Glynne

James Corden placed in the Witless Protection Scheme


James Corden

Facing condemnation for ill-judged remarks and continuing bumptiousness, the BAFTA-winning star of Carpool Karaoke and The Late Late Show, James Corden has finally agreed to be placed in a Witless Protection Scheme.

Despite public apologies for his latest comments, concerning allegations of sexual misconduct by film mogul Harvey Weinstein, Corden and his advisors have reluctantly conceded that the ubiquitous wag and his long-suffering family are to start a new life in an unspecified ex-Soviet republic to protect themselves, but more importantly the rest of us.

A government spokesperson told us, “The Witless Protection Scheme is there primarily to help those who shouldn’t be making jokes in public, and hiding them away is the best course of action for all concerned.”

The move follows an allegedly-intoxicated Corden himself making unwanted advances at former White House press secretary Sean Spicer during the Emmys last month.

Events echo those in Corden’s BBC television series The Wrong Mans, where he and fellow funnyman Mathew Baynton are placed in witness protection after uncovering an international espionage plot, only considerably less funny.

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