Friday 13 October 2017

Criticising Brexit to become ‘hate crime’ after movement gains religious status


Brexit becomes a religion

Criticising Brexit could become a hate crime after the movement was granted religious status.

The move comes as Brexiters across the country become increasingly frustrated at people mocking their belief that Brexit will make everything better and deliver the nation into an endless paradise that is perfect in every way for all true believers.

Simon Williams told us, “People are free to believe whatever they want to, and if I want to believe in an after-EU-life that is full of milk and honey, then that’s up to me.

“Non-believers are clearly destined to spend eternity relentlessly paying into the coffers of the bloated EU for no benefit whatsoever, but all they need to do to save themselves is convert.

“I’m delighted at the revelation that Brexit will become a religion, as I quite like the idea of stoning the Brexit-blasphemers until they are dead.

“Especially that smug prick Lionel in the pub who keeps using facts and research to make my belief system look ridiculous.”

Experts have said that making Brexit a religion will put its believers somewhere between the Mormons and their magic underpants, and the Scientologists who think we’re all hosting ancient alien beings inside our minds.

The reclassification will also see the Brexit Bus become a significant religious artefact, where Brexiters will meet once a week to give thanks and praise under a large statue of Nigel Farage angrily pointing to a queue of immigrants on the Turkish border.

Williams concluded, “I was finding it quite hard to reconcile being a Christian and the isolationist protectionist rhetoric of the Leave campaign, so being able to become a member of the Church of Brexit will help me no end.

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