Monday 9 October 2017 by Lucas Wilde

Katie Hopkins declares terrorist incident after small Muslim boy shouts ‘Wanker’ at a Swan


Katie Hopkins declares terrorist incident

Police are appealing for witnesses after Katie Hopkins tweeted about a terrorist incident which saw the horrific verbal abuse of an animal owned by the Queen.

A boy, aged 9, shouted an obscenity in the face of a swan and was immediately branded a terrorist by the Daily Mail columnist due to being Muslim and brown while displaying questionable behaviour in public.

“Kaite Hopkins has made our job a shitload easier,” admitted police officer Simon Williams.

“In the past, we’d usually have to do some actual investigating – look at a few facts, talk to a few witnesses. Thankfully she has saved us all time by just declaring such incidents as being ISIS related.

“Now we just have a big rubber stamp that says ‘TERRORISM’; it’s brilliant.

“We have a look at the mugshot, confirm he’s Asian-looking, get out the stamp, and then piss off for lunch.

“As for this boy and the swan that Katie drew our attention to, we’re definitely counting it as a terrorist incident.

“Partly because of what he looks like, but also because Katie seems absolutely convinced this is terrorism, and well, she’s never wrong about this sort of thing, is she.”

I think, therefore I am (not a Daily Mail reader)

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