Friday 6 October 2017 by Dan Sweryt

Beleaguered Theresa May adds name to list requesting leadership contest


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Slipshod excuse of a Prime Minister Theresa May has added her name to the list of Conservative party members desperate to see a leadership election.

The beleaguered Prime Minister is begging to see a new PM because the country is in a right fucking mess and frankly someone else can sort all this shit out.

Said the out-of-her-depth leader, “I’ve had enough of this crap. I’ve got a bumbling buffoon of a clown with terrible hair giving me gyp 24/7. And I’ve got to deal with Boris on top of Davis!

“I had a bit of a cold and… no support. Some joker – who I honestly thought was Jacob Rees-Mogg at first – gives me a P45 and… no support. And that’s not to mention the complete lack of support I’ve got from even Tory voters.

“And even after all that, when you think you’re at your lowest ebb, under all the shit you’ve fallen into, then Michael Gove’s stupid face turns up grinning at you on TV screens. It’s the last thing you need.

“Honestly, I threw up there and then.

“So, I’ve decided the best thing to do would be to add my name to the list asking for a leadership election. After all, I’m sure any of the independently-minded, egocentric, rich, cruel narcissists that are MPs would easily bring the independently-minded, egocentric, rich, cruel narcissists together, wouldn’t they? Or are they physically incapable of doing that, do you think?

“As any other dragon would say, ‘I’m out’.”

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