Thursday 5 October 2017 by Neil Tollfree

People start to feel a bit sorry for Theresa May then remember it’s Theresa May


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Following her comedy conference speech yesterday, it has been reported that many people started to feel a bit sorry for Theresa May, then immediately remembered it was Theresa May and got a hold of themselves.

The Prime Minister suffered from a cold, a prank, a collapsing set, and having to be in the same room as Boris Johnson.

“I saw it on the news,” said Simon Williams, a normal person.

“When it got to that bit where she could barely speak anymore, I thought ‘poor thing’, then I remembered it was Theresa May who did those mobile billboards attacking immigrants and thought ‘good’.”

Fellow normal person Eleanor Gay had a similar reaction: “Yeah, it was a bit awful. I mean, I get horrible colds and I just call in sick and lie on the sofa watching Columbo, but I realised that she’s not really allowed to call in sick and lie on the sofa watching Columbo and I felt bit sorry for her.

“But then I remembered she’s pursuing a hard Brexit agenda in order to cling to power, and I thought ‘sod her’.”

It is understood that a brief moment of sympathy followed by an overwhelming feeling of ‘screw you, you deserve it’, is the best reaction Theresa May has ever got from the British public and, as such, she considers the speech a success.

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