Monday 2 October 2017 by Andrew

Tories to allow day off work to leave elderly relative on mountain-top for vultures


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A keynote speaker at the Conservative Party conference has pledged to guarantee workers one day off work each year in order to drag a sick or elderly relative to a mountain-top to be eaten alive by vultures.

Simon Williams, Committee Chairman for Trying to Make the Tories Not Look Like Complete and Utter Bastards, said, “More and more workers are having to care for ageing parents, and employers are putting pressure on them not to take time off work.

“But with this pledge, Britain’s workers will not have to risk losing their jobs for disposing of a relative they could no longer afford to feed, keep warm or buy medication for.

“This pledge guarantees them time off work to provide end-of-life care for a relative by enshrining in law their right to a full 24 hours to drag their loved one’s still living body up a mountainside to be consumed by scavengers.

“This pledge also demonstrates our commitment to protecting endangered species, i.e. vultures.”

Williams added, “This day off will of course be unpaid. We can’t expect employers or the state to shoulder that burden.”

The speech was met with a mixed response, with many members branding it “centrist nonsense”, and accusing Williams of running scared of Jeremy Corbyn.

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