Monday 2 October 2017 by Pete Redfern

Jacob Rees-Mogg sets off for Conservative party conference in finest horse-drawn carriage


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Jacob Rees-Mogg, the MP for North East Somerset and bold defender of traditional marriage has this morning begun the long journey to Manchester using his preferred mode of transport.

“There is nothing quite like the reassuring clip-clop of the fillies as we trundle down the road,” he told us, as he watched a number of servants load the last of his bags into the carriage.

“I expect we will find some variant of hostelry or other between here and Manchester in which to rest our heads overnight so that I arrive at the conference tomorrow fully prepared to partake in the festivities.

“Edward, my head servant and one of the best carriage drivers in the country, shall be driving the horses and his brother Simon shall be navigating and keeping an eye out for any pesky highwaymen, should they give us any trouble.

“Naturally I shall be preparing for my contribution to the conference by having a little nap in the carriage. You don’t become tipped for leadership on very little sleep you know.

“Now if you’ll excuse me, I must give my nanny, wife and numerous offspring a goodbye handshake and then be on my way.”

As he strode back into his mansion, his trumpeters nervously adjusted their outfits and checked their instruments in readiness to play his usual farewell fanfare as he departs his estate.

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