Monday 2 October 2017 by Neil Tollfree

Brexiter demands points-based system for repatriation of Monarch passengers


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A Brexiter has reacted angrily to this morning’s news that all holiday-makers in Europe with Monarch flights will be repatriated to the UK without any regard to whether the economy can sustain them or not.

The arrangements have been made following the overnight collapse of Monarch Airlines.

“It’s a ruddy disgrace is what it is,” claimed Simon Williams, a passionate Brexiter and the sort of red-faced old man who says the word ‘coloureds’ on live television.

“We’re just letting all these people into Great Britain willy-nilly without checking up on them. They could be terrorists, or sex-offenders, or terrorist sex-offenders.

“Or coloureds.”

Mr Williams recommends that the UK adopt an Australian-style points-based system to process the Monarch repatriation, despite never really having looked into what an Australian-style points-based system actually is.

“Aye that’s right, now look, I’m not against people who’ve got Monarch flights being repatriated, but just the ones we really need, the doctors, the lawyers, and the sex-workers with low-standards.

“But I reckon most of them just want to come over here and get a nice house and get on benefits and take advantage of our good-nature.”

It is understood that Mr Williams’ brother is currently in Lanzarote awaiting repatriation.

“Aye, well, it shouldn’t apply to him,” he clarified.

“Obviously, it shouldn’t apply to me or my family. Just everyone else.”

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