Friday 29 September 2017 by Ed Harrison

School’s banning sausage rolls ‘proof of Islamic takeover’, insists racist lunatic


Tommy Robinson

A school in Bradford yesterday announced they were banning sausage rolls from students’ lunchboxes as part of their attempts to encourage healthy eating – and to promote adherence to Islam, according to lunatics.

In response, Tommy Robinson has today announced his plans to organise a protest in Bradford City centre against what he claims to be an “Islamic plot to take over the country”.

“It’s a disgrace,” Tommy told reporters. “How dare they take our sausage rolls away from us!

“Make no mistake, this is an attack on our way of life. Sausage rolls are what make this country great! My father ate sausage rolls, my father’s father ate sausage rolls, my father’s father’s father died for our right to eat sausage rolls!”

After telling Tommy that the decision was taken by the school for health reasons and had nothing to do with Islam, he reacted aggressively.

“As always, this has everything to do with Islam!” he shouted.

“This is just the beginning. I’d give it two to three years before we’re all living under sharia law!”

Just as reporters began to ask Tommy another question, he got up and made a move for the door. We asked him where he was going, to which he said he was “going down the shops to buy some sausage rolls. All this roll talk has made me peckish. Got a right hankering for a roll.”

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