Saturday 23 September 2017

America’s bums furious at comparisons to Donald Trump


Bums unhappy with Donald Trump comparison

Bums across America have lashed out after Lebron James likened them to Donald Trump.

After the basketball player criticised the president for one of the many ridiculous things he’s done today, bums have insisted the comparison is unfair.

Street resident Chuck Williams told us, “Our lives are hard enough as it is without people thinking we share personality traits with that asshole.

“I get that us vagrants get called bums, but really what have we ever done to deserve being put in the same bracket as the septuagenarian Cheeto in the White House?

“Sure, I do a little begging every now and again, but at least I’m open about where my money comes from – you can look at my tax returns anytime you like.

“But I’ve never complimented the far-right, never grabbed a pussy, never reduced international diplomacy to a playground tantrum, never tried to implement illegal immigration policies, never colluded with a foreign power and never used a national platform to massage my own ego ahead of helping Americans that need assistance.

“Surely I should get a pass?”

When asked for comment, Lebron James apologised to bums everywhere, and told reporters, “I shouldn’t have said ‘bum’, I should have said ‘Think-skinned moron’, or ‘idiotic man-child’, or maybe ‘self-publicising imbecile’.

“Sorry about that.”

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