Friday 22 September 2017 by Arabin Patson

Banks to help track migrants by reporting suspicious foreign behaviour like saving money


Migrants saving for a rainy day

British banks have been ordered to go over 70 million accounts and report any un-British activity like managing finances sensibly. 

Foreigners who refuse to saddle themselves with unsustainable debt, just to own the latest crap QVC have come up with, may face deportation.

Simon Williams, head of the Home Office’s new Make Britain Hostile program, explained that a 140% rate of household debt to GDP was the cornerstone of the British economy and that people who tried to save money for a rainy day or specific projects were threats to the nation.

“Time and time again we see EU migrants living within their means and putting away their earnings for selfish things like housing or their children’s education.

“This takes bread out of the mouths of honest British payday lenders. We’ve even heard of Bulgarians systematically saving a third of their salary!”

Mr Williams denied the program was xenophobic.

He went on, “Britain is still a welcoming place for anyone who thinks driving a BMW M3 on a £25K salary is a good idea.

“We warmly embrace migrants who see a broken Xbox as an emergency that warrants taking out a 4500% APR loan that was advertised by cartoon characters.”

Conventional economists warn that the current level of debt is unsustainable and will cause a decade-long recession when it inevitably goes belly up.

The government has prepared for such an eventuality and has made careful plans to label these economists as malcontent alarmists living in ivory towers.

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