Thursday 21 September 2017 by Neil Tollfree

‘Nest of singing birds’ actually f**king hate each other


UK Cabinet meeting

It has been revealed that a nest of singing birds, popularly supposed to be working together in harmony and fellowship, actually f**king hate each other.

If observed, the birds will make a big show of having a lovely big sing together, and being nice to each other, and laughing at the comical antics of a big fat bird with messy blonde feathers as he lies about how many seeds they’ll get if they don’t let anyone else bring them any seeds.

However, as soon as no one is looking, they all start squawking and pecking at each other and telling other birds who don’t live in the nest that everyone else in the nest is rubbish.

The birds are led by a particularly weak and feeble bird, who was hobbled in a nasty fight in Springtime.

Whilst the nest may actually function better if another bird took over, it is unlikely another bird would have the support to do so, because they all actually f**king hate each other.

If it is ever suggested that the birds might function as a nest a little better if they stopped squawking and pecking at each other and did some work then they simply have another big sing and pretend the nest is going brilliantly.

It is expected that the nest will fall out of the tree by the end of the year, leaving all the birds fatally wounded.

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