Thursday 21 September 2017 by Lucas Wilde

‘Lara Croft’s tits should be bigger’ insists man with fantastic priorities


Lara Croft trailer

A man has reacted to a trailer for the new Tomb Raider film with a complaint regarding breasts.

Simon Williams, 31, watched the trailer for the new film in the spare room of his mum’s house, before simply saying “no” and slamming his laptop shut.

“Large knockers are key to Lara Croft’s character,” insisted Williams.

“A decent script and good action set-pieces are a distant second, I’m afraid. I should know, I’ve played all of the Tomb Raider games and large breasts of varying graphical quality were definitely the highlight.

“It’s blatant oversights like these that mean video game movies are rarely taken seriously or reviewed well. Some good bouncy action will put paid to all of that- at least for me, anyway.”

Simon’s mother said, “I’m very proud of Simon for standing up for what he believes in. I have to say that, I suppose, even if what he believes in is frivolous at best and a dreadful reflection on how I raised him.”

Film producer, Jay Cooper, said, “We welcome all feedback, apart from Simon’s, obviously, because it’s stupid.”

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