Thursday 21 September 2017 by Lucas Wilde

Jose Mourinho attempts to shift focus to HIS penis


Mourinho song

Manchester United’s manager would like fans to focus on his allegedly large wang.

Jose Mourinho employed the strategy following an outcry from anti-racism groups, after the famously penis-obsessed fans of Man Utd started chanting stereotypical things about a black man’s todger.

“I’d compare it to the length and width of a tube of tennis balls,” confirmed Mourinho.

“I can see why our fans wish to discuss genitals – especially if you’re in possession of a set as frankly magnificent as mine.

“But we shouldn’t be chanting it about a black person, as that enforces a stereotype. So I’m happy to take the bullet here.

“I’d like to offer ‘the special one, he’s got a massive dong’ as an opening line. Technically it doesn’t rhyme at all, but it’s good enough for football. So crack on.”

Man United fan, Simon Williams, from Surrey, said, “I mean…does he?

“If anything, he seems the kind of person that’s compensating for a lack of thwack in the truncheon department.

“I mean I should know, I drive a BMW Z4 for a reason.”

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