Tuesday 19 September 2017 by Neil Tollfree

Local prick back doing Tai Chi in the park with no top on


Tai Chi in the park

After a week of stormy weather, a local prick has returned to the park to do Tai Chi with his top off.

The prick began doing Tai Chi in the park during a particularly mild spell in April, and keeps returning whenever it isn’t raining, presumably to try and get girls to talk to him.

“Yeah, he was there again,” confirmed Eleanor Gay, who has to walk through the park to get to work.

“Standing on one leg and focusing on the middle distance like some middle-aged Karate Kid.

“And I just know he’s staring at my arse as I go past him. What a prick.”

The prick, known locally, somewhat inevitably, as Simon Williams, claimed that doing Tai Chi in the park with no top on made him feel closer to the natural rhythms of nature or some such nonsense.

“Doing Tai Chi in the park with no top on is a profoundly centring experience,” claimed Mr Williams, prickishly.

“I harness the flow of nature’s energy through the movement of-”

Mr Williams suddenly stopped and stared at an oncoming figure.

“Actually mate, do you mind moving on. There’s a girl coming, so I’d better do some Tai Chi with no top on and then she might come and talk to me.”

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