Tuesday 19 September 2017

Bullshit means bullshit, weary nation reminds Theresa May


Theresa May meaningless platitudes

After Theresa May treated the nation to another nonsense platitude about Boris Johnson, a weary electorate has reminded her that ‘bullshit means bullshit’.

After explaining her foreign secretary’s recent behaviour as ‘Boris is Boris’, and repeatedly explaining that ‘Brexit means Brexit’, voters have become concerned about the prime minister’s vocabulary.

Voter Simon Williams told us, “I think Theresa’s new technique has elevated ‘speaking without saying anything’ to its final form – which is literally just saying that the meaning of a word is the same word.

“The irony is that if you’re the sort of person who likes what Theresa is doing, then these words are extremely reassuring – baffling as that might seem.  It also helps if you’re a bit of an idiot with an incurious nature.

“If you think about it, the words themselves are actually quite zen. Those three words can mean pretty much anything you want them to, which is a dream for a politician. You can never be accused of lying, and you can’t be accused of not commenting.

“You can, of course, be accused of talking in meaningless truisms that fail to advance the electorate’s understanding of an issue one tiny bit – but I suppose that’s always been the case with politicians. At least they’ve adopted brevity as a principle.

A government spokesperson explained that Theresa May is committed to keeping voters informed of the government’s plans, telling us that “Communication is communication.

“Voters are voters, and don’t forget that the economy is the economy.

“After all, Theresa is Theresa,” they concluded.

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