Monday 18 September 2017 by Pete Redfern

Boris Johnson threat level raised from ‘Blonde Bumblegit’ to ‘Lying Shitenado’


Boris Johnson

The threat level posed by Boris Johnson to the future of the British population has been raised to its highest level.

The decision was made after the foreign secretary wrote an article in the Telegraph promising that the NHS would receive £350m per week as promised by the infamous ‘Brexit Bus’, despite the claim being demonstrably false.

Simon Williams, head of the UK’s Threat Level Assessment Centre told reporters, “Many of you will remember when Boris Johnson was just a bumbling, philandering buffoon who made for entertaining viewing on TV.

“But hot on the heels of him claiming to have been heading to Caribbean on a military plane rammed with aid, which turned out to be just full of marines and their rations, he has written this article, and frankly enough is enough.

“It is now perfectly clear that he has his eyes set firmly on Number 10 and will stop at nothing to get himself in there. Perhaps he feels threatened in some way by fellow Latin-spewer and nineteenth-century prick Jacob Rees-Mogg and is doing everything he can to undermine Theresa May and beat Rees-Mogg to become the next Prime Minister.”

He concluded, “As such, Boris poses a critical threat to the future of anyone who earns less than one hundred grand per year.

“No wait – Theresa May earns more than that.

“He’s a threat to all of us really.”

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