Sunday 17 September 2017

Lack of attention sees needy child resort to repeating outrageous things


Boris Johnson man baby

Man-baby Boris Johnson has resorted to repeating words he knows cause him to get attention, after discovering the grown-ups were not paying him enough attention, according to sources today.

With Boris concerned that some people seem to be liking Jacob Rees-Mogg more than him, he has been forced into saying things that he knows will get him the attention he craves and ensure everyone is looking at him again.

“I don’t like it when people seem to be enthralled with the other big kids, they should all be paying attention to me,” he told gathered reporters while smiling like a twat whose plan is going swimmingly.

“Which is why I’ve repeated my claims that the NHS could get an extra £350m after Brexit, because the last time I did that you all looked at me for weeks and weeks, so hopefully now you’ll pay me attention and stop looking at that nasty Rees-Mogg chap.

Child behavioural psychologist Simon Williams told us, “This is very much like when your toddler learns its first swear word; the mere utterance earns the child either a laugh, shock, or a telling off.

“However, after a while, it thinks shocking you is the only way you’ll look in its direction.

“Boris is much the same. The £350m claim worked that last time, and he’s not getting enough attention these days so out it comes again.

“I don’t want to alarm anyone in the Foreign Office, but unless we all start looking at him and clapping, there’s a very strong possibility his next move will be to shit his pants.”

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