Thursday 14 September 2017 by Davywavy

Man in 3-Series thinks his horn will make traffic jam magically disappear


BMW horn

BMW driver Simon Williams thinks his car horn has the power to make other traffic disappear like something out of Harry fucking Potter.

Williams, 43, fondly imagines that his horn came from Mister Ollivander’s shop and is made of unicorn hide containing a hippogriff feather that grants it an incredible thaumaturgical force which clears other traffic.

He offered to demonstrate the incredible magic of his horn whilst stuck in a lengthy tailback on the A14 just outside Kettering.

“You know what they say,” he told us in a hushed, awed whisper whilst leaning on the horn again and a-fucking-gain.

“You don’t choose the horn, the horn chooses you.

“You’ve just got to get the incantation right and other road users disappear as if they never were. Trafficum Disappeareo!

“Drat, got it wrong. Oh, well, try again.

“I’m not allowed to use it too much or the Ministry of Magic will take it away,” he added whilst pressing on it for five continuous minutes.

When asked, other road users said that the traffic isn’t going anywhere and if Simon doesn’t stop hooting they’ll vanish that horn where the sun doesn’t shine.

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