Thursday 14 September 2017 by Jimmy Mallet

‘IT’ remake triggers huge rise in people pretending to be scared of clowns


man frightened of clowns

Research published earlier today revealed a sharp rise in the number of people who are all of a sudden completely terrified by clowns – even though they’ve never, ever mentioned it before to anyone.

The recently released supernatural horror IT, based on Stephen King’s 1986 novel of the same name, has caused a wave of pretend terror right across the UK, with many covering their eyes in contrived panic at the mere thought of white faces, red noses and big shoes.

Professor Williams from the Institute of Attention-Seeking Behaviour commented, “So-called ‘coulrophobia’ is barely even a real thing, so why that needy girl in the office feels she needs to pretend she has it is beyond me.”

The research also showed a correlation between these spontaneously frightened people and those who make a fuss about going to the toilet after watching Jaws, and pretending they used to watch Doctor Who from behind the sofa.

Gemma Miggins, the needy girl in her office, had this to say, “I’ve always been scared of clowns, ever since I saw the trailer last week.”

Experts are warning not to indulge this condition, known as faux-phobia, and to simply roll your eyes and walk away.

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: