Thursday 14 September 2017 by Clyde Warren

Heartbroken Jean-Claude Juncker vows to keep playing the piano until UK comes back to EU


Juncker to play piano until UK comes back to EU

EU President Jean-Claude Juncker has vowed to keep playing the piano as a demonstration of his love until the UK changes its mind and comes back to the EU.

“I will not budge. I will not stop playing the piano until the UK changes its mind,” said a scruffy looking Jean-Claude Juncker as he brushed his dishevelled longish hair to the side.

Mr Juncker, aged 62, set up a piano in Bristol’s College Green as soon as the Great Repeal Bill received majority backing in the Commons.

He hopes that with this grand romantic gesture he will win the UK back.

“We just have so much history together, I can’t believe this is happening; I just can’t believe it,” said Mr Junker while playing a discordant rendition of “Ode to Joy” on the piano, using just the index finger of his right hand.

“The only way I’ll stop playing the piano is if the UK changes its mind and just comes back to us.

“It’s just sad; pathetic!” commented Mrs Jay Wilcox, a local resident neighbouring the park.

“He just sits there day and night, playing the same piece of music over and over again. I knew he needed us more than we needed him!”

Mark O’Dwyer, an area shop-owner said: “I just don’t see the point in it. We have local people – our people – who can play the piano just as well, if not better.

“And even if they can’t, we could train them up to do so. Besides, when’s the last time you heard ‘God Save the Queen’ played in a public space?”

Mr Juncker, undeterred, is still steadfastly playing his piano, while his future, and the future of his relationship with the UK remain uncertain.

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